i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
we made out on top of his cat.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
