i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
