The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
