If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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