Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
