I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Dicks are not precious.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
