Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
