"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
