I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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