Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
