Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
