i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I have aggressive nipples.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
