I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
