cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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