Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We named our party play list daddy issues
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
