about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
