you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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