how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
