checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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