She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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