addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize