I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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