A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
