so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
