What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
