i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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