Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
