My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
