I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
