remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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