u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
