i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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