I wish I could teleport
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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