the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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