The panties match.
I'll be right there.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
