I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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