My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Me. At least after what I've been through.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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