dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
