CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
