Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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