I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize