The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Randomize