who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
