well you can't waste a boner
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You ate ashes out of my bong
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
