I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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