I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
