32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
