I need to stop coming to work sober
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
