failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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