Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
