well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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