I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
