I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
where are my eyebrows?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
