I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
