As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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