Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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