I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
