i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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