I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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