Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
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So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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