Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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