Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
