I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
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Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
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I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I could fuck to npr.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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