His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
