I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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