I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
