i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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