Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
