I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
