I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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