Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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