OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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