I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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