Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
