hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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