you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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